I just came across this talk again and would love to hear your views on it. What does this mean to YOU? Have you really done anything DIFFERENT since hearing this?
Excerpt from "Mothers Who Know" by Julie Beck (Relief Society General President):
Mothers Who Know Do Less
Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power.
Please share your thoughts. . .
9 years ago
This really resonates with me (but what do I know, I only have a six-month-old). I guess I just think back on my own childhood, and although I love and respect my parents, I think we had far less time at home as a family than I would have liked. I did a lot of activities, which were good in some ways, but we seldom ate as a family during the weekdays and we never formed good habits around prayer, scriptures, FHE. That has been a challenge in my adult life, and I hope that my kids will have more experience with it. My mom worked and that gave us some additional opportunities, but we plan to have only one income (although neal is always trying to think of a way to have no income and still survive ;) ), giving up some things for more family time.
ReplyDeleteI could read this excerpt over and over and over and still ponder the meaning of it. It is so deep and there are so many layers. I am by far perfect in this area, but this school year, I've been trying a few different things. We always aim to eat dinner as a family, sometimes it's just a quick hello how was your day before mommy bolts out the door to go exercise, but at least I know my family has a healthy dinner. Speaking of exercising, I hate that it takes me away from my family for an hour every night, but I also believe in mothers taking good care of their bodies, after all, the kids will be out of the house all too soon and then you're stuck with the body you didn't take care of. In past years, Toren & Ander did everything we could fit in their schedule-soccer, flag football, swimming, etc. This year, we opted to try something different. Both boys are in tumbling (something new) and they love it. We only did one extracurricular activity so more time could be spent at home instead of chasing everything around in the car. TV time is limited, iPod time is limited, computer time is limited, FHE every Sunday, etc. There are far more things we could do better in as a family, but i think we're on the right track. Now, more than ever, I'm seeing the results in our kids behavior, from how we have taught them growing up. This is probably way too much info than you were looking for, but alas, there you have it. How about you Liesl, how has this affected you and your family?
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing you two! :) I'm working on my thoughts. . .I'll blog them soon.
ReplyDeleteSince I've only been experiencing mobility for about 2 months, and my kids are still very little, I have not had a problem with being too busy at all. My struggle is getting out of the house and DOING something to give my kids good experiences :). So far I have not felt any urges to put Maggie into activities yet. Sure, I know she'd love ballet or tumbling, but she's only 3! It can definitely wait until she starts ASKING to do more. Also, the money issue is huge right now which makes my decisions way too easy. I'm sure the next few years will bring a whole new set of decisions to make and priorities to set, but I think that homeschooling will be a wonderful adventure full of opportunities and family experiences that I only dreamed about as a kid!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to learning from what you decide is best for your family!
I want to hear from parents of teenagers on this topic. When my kids were little, it was very easy to limit our activities. Each of my girls had one year of ballet (before kindergarten), then when they started kindergarten they had piano lessons. That was it until they started Activity Days (twice a month) then Young Women (theoretically once a week, until you add church sports, which for some reason my girls have both thought would be fun). Still, totally doable. For my first 14 years of parenting, it was pretty easy to limit kids to one activity plus church. But this year Katie started 9th grade, and suddenly she wants to be involved in all sorts of extracurricular activities! In theory, I know that I should just say "no." But should I really? When I was in high school, my extracurricular activities were the best part of school and where I made my best friends. And Katie really is happy. She always comes home wanting to talk about what she's doing. She is in Marching Band (clarinet) and the Jordan Youth Symphony (violin). For the next seven weeks, this will take her about 15 hours a week (after that, Marching Band will end until Spring). She is so excited about the friends she is making, and she loves the experience. She is always home for dinner and Family Home Evening, but aside from that she has homework, practicing, or Young Women in the evenings, so we don't see much more of her until Saturday afternoon. So help me! I know I'm setting the precedent now for how busy my kids are allowed to be. Should I put my foot down and just say "no?" Do you let your kids do school sports or speech or drama or music? Or do you say that church activities (YM/YW, sports, seminary, firesides, dances) are enough? How much is too much? Has any parent of teenagers figured out how to follow Sister Beck's advice?
ReplyDeleteRachel, I know I don't have experience with teenagers, but I was just thinking about how you said Katie is at rehearsals and stuff 15 hours a week. That's pretty much a part-time job, and she's only 14, right? That's way busy on top of school, and we all know it only gets busier - especially the last two years of high school. That's a tough one!
ReplyDeleteI've been reading a ton about homeschooling lately and one of the things I agree with the most is how important it is to have more time with your kids (being more involved in their lives) especially during such crucial growing up years. With teenagers gone at school all day and then involved in activities all night and you barely say hello for a few minutes in the evening or on weekends, when do you get to teach them all of the important things you want them to know and be prepared for when they leave the house? In our Mormon culture, starting to date at 16 on top of driving and working and college applications and parties and more extracurricular things, the time is almost gone for preparing them for life and teaching them all the things you feel are the most important.
Maybe you could start by identifying what Katie is learning by taking on so much at this age and then decide if that's what you want for her. You only have a say for a few more short years!
I was insanely busy my last two years of high school and all of my activities were way fun. I learned to identify myself by my place in the things I was involved in, and then when I left high school and was thrown into a different and much bigger pond I sort of lost myself and bounced off of other people's ideas and dreams for awhile. It wasn't until about 1 1/2 years ago that I started to discover what was important to me and who I was apart from social groups and expectations.
Good luck with whatever you decide. You're a wonderful parent!
See, I totally have a different view on that. Now is the time (for those with younger children) to hold our kids close, teach them, love them, help them, guide them. The extracurricular activities I was involved in in High School kept me out of trouble (not that I think I would've gotten into trouble), but it also gave me many opportunities. For example, I started managing sports in high school (very busy) and went on to get paid for it in college. I did music in high school and went on to be a part of a singing group that toured Europe. I could go on and on, but the point I'm trying to make is that those activities we are involved in in our growing up years help us to develop our personalities, find what we love, be social (very important in me and my husband's eyes), be athletic or active, etc. I know I don't have teenagers yet, but I'm looking back on my years. Rachel, my hubby had a paper route from the time he was 7 until he was 15 when he got his first part-time job. That alone helped him develop responsibility.
ReplyDeletePlease don't think that I think I know everything, I DON'T! I'm just blabbing about my personal experiences. Good luck to all of you with these very tough decisions we must make as parents. It's so fun to see everyone learn and grow. Rachel, I didn't even know you had a 14 year old, that's crazy! Lotta love!
Okay, here's two cents worth from a mother of a couple of teenagers. In my experience, by the time kids hit high school they are ready to make their own decisions about what they want to be involved in. As long as those activities don't prevent them from participating in YM/YW activities and Family Home Evening I like to let them decide how busy they want to be. Of course we discuss the possible consequences of taking on another activity or a hard class, but ultimately they are so much happier when we let them decide. And then if something becomes too hard to juggle, they are always free to make a different choice the next time around.
ReplyDeleteI have found that teenagers are great at wasting time when they don't have a full schedule, so they don't actually get more sleep, better grades, or spend blissful hours in constructive family activities (they usually are annoyed by those younger siblings) when their outside activities are limited. Rather, my kids have better attitudes when they are home, manage their time more carefully, and have a happier outlook on their social life when they are involved in extracurricular activities, be those athletic, musical, academic, etc.
On a different line of thinking, when teenagers have activities they don't require the supervision and carpooling that younger children need. This means that mom's schedule (and by extension the rest of the family) isn't necessarily affected on a daily basis because of their activities. Of course there are the obligatory concerts and games to attend to cheer them on, but those can be a family affair and become part of those "wholesome recreational activities" we seek.
When the kids are younger (pre-high school)I have found that one sport, one instrument, and one church activity (scouts, activity days) is sufficient to expose them to a variety of experiences upon which they can base their future interests. And isn't that the point of those early activities anyway?
Funny that my one regret from raising my first four kids through elementary school is that I didn't give them enough extracurricular sports exposure. Because of money concerns and my fatigue level from hauling around babies all the time, I didn't give those kids the opportunity to do anything consistent outside of piano lessons (which I am SO grateful I stuck with even when it seemed we were going nowhere!)So by Middle School they weren't experienced enough in any sports to be able to make the school teams. So I am changing that with my younger four kids and am letting them choose one sport to participate in each year. I guess the jury is still out on this, so catch me in 10 years and I'll let you know what I think about the other side of the coin!
Thanks Krista and Annette. That helps a lot. Your advice feels right to me. Katie seems so much happier this year, being involved in so many activities and making new friends. And one thing Annette said really resonates with me: if I make her spend more time at home, she is unlikely to spend "blissful hours in constructive family activities." She does seem happier when she is home (than the last few years, when she tended to lock herself in her room with a book or her iPod) and interacts more with her siblings. And it's great to watch her grow up and find new interests and make new groups of friends!
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